Tuesday, April 20, 2010
What Mended My Heart - Shonna Anderson
One day as I was sitting at my desk in my non-descript cubicle, staring at my computer screen I felt a feeling of calm wash over me. Gone was the anxiety that had plagued me for weeks. I was not happy per se, but I felt content. For the first time in days I actually felt content. The feeling lasted all of about one hour, but that was the first indication that I was actually getting better, that the pieces of my shattered heart were starting to be put back together. I still have hours and days that are difficult. Days when I feel like my whole life is one big mess. Days when all I want is to feel normal again. But those times are getting less and less frequent. In their place I’ve started to see a “new” normal. I know I will never be the same person I was before. My heart will surely always carry the scars from being so battered and bruised, but I’m slowly starting to see myself again. I’m starting to see myself in the times that I can genuinely laugh and feel the joy radiating through me. I’m starting to see myself when I enjoy the sun on my face and look around and truly see the beauty around me. No, I’ll never be the same, but I am starting to mend.