What Was Wrong With Me - Jennifer Baljko

I’m not depressed. I’m not lonely. I’m not looking to make a million bucks. I’m not looking for God. And, I’m not trying to be someone different than who I am. Okay, maybe that last line isn’t completely true…Maybe I am trying to be a different version of me. Not necessarily a better me – I think I’m fine as I am – but maybe a smarter me, a wiser me, a kinder me, a version of me I don’t know yet.

Anyway, lately, for the last handful of months, I can’t resist this temptation to buy every freaking thing that pops into my inbox that seems to have a New Age slant to it. I now have a hundred or more MP3 downloads and PDF transcripts that will teach me to mediate, tap away my worries, detox my body of all sorts of ingested poisons, chant myself happy, and awaken my feminine creativity and divinity. I’ve only gotten through about a dozen of them. I like them, and have some of them on my iPod. I intend to listen then, to learn something new. It’s just that when they come on while I’m running, I’d rather be chugging uphill to Lady Gaga or Lenny Kravitz than breathing in some delusionary Ohm that will save me from myself.

I can’t quite figure out why I have developed this sudden obsession. Maybe I’m being called for some higher purpose, to do something for the greater good. What’s probably truer, is that I’m a marketing manager’s dream customer.