If I Only Had Time - Kaye Doiron

Oh the possibilities. I would play more with my children, in the yard, in the house, on the Wii, doing puzzles. They are my bliss. I would stop chasing my tail to pay the bills, 70 hours a week at a desk does not leave much time for anything else. I added up the bills this morning, yes, before my morning writing, oops...6000 dollars a month JUST TO LIVE, not including groceries, clothes, shoes...JFC. All by my little self it can be a little daunting, who am I kidding it’s fucking terrifying. Breathe. I have the time to breathe.

What I would do with time? The hair on my legs would get waxed, soon I’ll be able to braid it. I would lie next to my Granny and bury my nose in her neck, where time stops, because she doesn’t have much more...time. I would lie in bed all day with my dark lover and let him whisper things to me that I will try very hard to believe. I would ride a horse across the midwest and camp out in the open air. I would raft the rapids in Colorado, I would snow ski. I would wander the streets of New York and allow myself the pleasure of getting lost. I would sit in awe and stare at the banks of the Seine on a sunny day in Paris. I would sit in the presence of greatness. I would listen more.

Let’s break it down to the simple things...I would brush my hair, I would wax my legs, I would take a long, hot bath, brush my teeth every morning, make a wholesome lunch for my kids to take to school, cook a healthy dinner, do yoga, run, drink more wine, most of all...sing.

Time, a funny thing. Fleeting, like love. How it slips effortlessly and without notice through our hands when there is love is frightening, how slowly it crawls when there is none is terrifying.