Vertigo - Jackie Davis-Martin

“I am vertiginous over you,” he said.

No one had ever put it like that before. Besides, she didn’t believe it. Maybe when they came down from the ride—a Ferris wheel where they were now swinging from the highest point, the carnival splayed beneath them like trinkets scattered among thick confetti—maybe then Hedy would entertain the thought. But now Fergus was pumping his legs to incite the rocking of their carriage, his head tilted to assess her sensation (she was smiling, she found him exciting, she wondered at what price) as the lights around them swirled and dazzled like those tin lollipops you could pull with a string to set them spinning.

On the ground again, Fergus took her hand. “Did you like that?”

They were sixteen, getting to know each other.

That. Hedy didn’t know which part to answer. Fear, height, danger, him equaled no, no, no--“Yes,” she said. He led her to the roller coaster.

“Be sure to tell Miss Marple,” he said. He meant his word. Vertiginous was a vocabulary word that week and Miss Marple wasn’t her name, they just all called her that because she was old and talked with a funny English accent and read Agatha Christie books while they took tests.

At the top of the roller coaster, just before they swooped, Fergus mouthed “Ver-ti-go!” and clutched her arm, both of them reaching. He laughed and patted her bum as she got off the ride, breathless.

Hedy had been to the carnival only with girlfriends before. Actually, she’d arrived this very evening with Sue and Amy M.—they were debating how they’d ride with three since their other buddy, Amy B., was out of town—when Fergus had walked up and asked Hedy to be his date. Just like that! Of course she’d said okay; who wouldn’t? He was smart and smooth and mostly hung out with guys like himself. They’d lean against the back of the school building and half-smile in sexy ways, shifting their weight from hip to hip. Hedy had thought someone like Fergus out of her reach.

“What about this one?” he said, eyeing the Tilt-a-Whirl. The night was dark and balmy, surrounding them with a softness; the cavernous red cars loomed and spun dizzily in front of them, behind the lights, white and dazzling. They crawled into a car with another couple (A couple, Hedy thought: we’re a couple, Fergus and I) who exited immediately from the other side—the girl said she just couldn’t do it.

So, alone, they slid and spun, their necks frozen backward with the force, their hands gripping the circular wheel in front of them in –to Hedy—something close to terror. They stumbled down the wooden walkway to flat ground, laughing with relief. “Now that was vertigo,” Hedy said. Fergus slung his arm around her shoulder, almost like a drunken buddy. She loved it. She didn’t want the night to end. She reached for his hand, which dangled close to her right breast. He pulled her sidewise, close to him, and kissed her hair above her ear. She almost swooned.

“You’re great,” he said. “You’re great at a carnival. Want to try that bullet thing?” He indicated the capsules positioned at the end of great swinging arms, arms that flipped totally upside down. Twin Flip, it was called. They waited, Hedy’s stomach lurching at its sight, Fergus smiling at her the way he’d smiled at others, leading her into their own private space ship thing, launching them together. They flipped and flew to the point where there were no views, only crazed images flashing by. The ride finally halted, they breathed heavily together. “I’m vertiginous over you,” she said, in a gasp, as he helped her unbuckle, pushing the bar away from them.

“What?” he said, catching his breath. “Oh, yeah! Our word. No way to get it wrong, now, is there?” He started down the planks, Hedy right behind.

But she did get it wrong. Not on the test which she aced, as usual, and so did Fergus for that matter. Even anticipating that flying that high with Fergus couldn’t last, even anticipating the answer to the evening,, Hedy got it wrong. She couldn’t get her balance again. Fergus smiled at her at school; he was always polite, but they were back on the ground where she’d have to figure out how to walk normally.