There is something about doing absolutely nothing that is wonderfully … relaxing. I used to think that lying in a swinging hammock was just something they did on “Gilligan’s Island.” I am now a true believer. The gentle swinging motion makes me feel like I am floating on air. On a large platter resting on a table next to me holds a bountiful treasure trove of antioxidants and resveratrol – fruit! Yeah baby, this is the life! The sun is bright and shining but not too hot. The breeze is cool and perfect. Lying there with my eyes closed, I swear I could hear the ocean. Who knew skipping work and laying about your front lawn could feel so good?
Suddenly, the gentle swaying of my hammock slows to a stop. The relaxing slumber I had been floating in and out of stops. This is not acceptable. With a tremendous effort, I raise my upper body and roll it to one side so that I am looking at the chimpanzee standing underneath the hammock. The chimp had stopped swinging the hammock and was once again staring at the platter of fruit. I whistled to get its attention. The chimp turned its head and stared at me with those sad eyes.
“Hey, get back to swinging. Let’s go. Chop chop.”
The chimp does not make a move and keeps staring at me.
With a deep sigh, I reach into my left front pocket of my shorts. I pull out and show the chimp my cherished possession – a severed hand of another chimpanzee. The chimp sees this and straightens up.
“That’s right pal – fall in line, or you’ll end up like this.” I dangle the severed hand by the wrist and rock it back and forth. “Be nice. Sway the hammock – gently. And, where’s your sister? I need a foot massage.”
The chimp whimpers for a moment, and starts swaying the hammock. A few moments later, another chimp strolls by and rubs my feet. Life is good. I think I will have some fun.
“Hey guys! How come Tarzan calls his chimp ‘cheetah?’ I mean, what’s up with that? Does he call his cheetah ‘chimpanzee?’ What a jungle size mind fuck!!”
The monkeys chatter wildly in response.
I love my cursed monkey’s paw.