Lily’s lungs screamed for air. Her heart almost pounded out of her chest with fear. She had to survive. She had to break free of whatever was sucking her down. She only had a little time left. Willing all her strength into her numb arms and legs, she pulled and kicked as hard as she could. She looked up. It worked! She propelled herself upwards. She felt a thrill as she saw the surface coming toward her.
Her victory was short-lived. Just as she was about to reach the air above her, suction grabbed her again. She fought back. Frantically, she thrashed her arms to pull free. She was jerked back down—even deeper into the murky water. Defeated, she clutched at the pain in her chest as her lungs ached for good air. They wanted to breathe in something, even if it was water. It was so very quiet. All she could hear was her own panic dashing about in her head.
Lily knew this was it. She couldn’t last much longer. Her thoughts slowed. The liquid background noise was almost pleasant as it hummed in her ears. The water around her changed from murky green to clear blue. Thousands of air bubbles appeared out of nowhere. They surrounded her and then shot upwards. She vaguely wondered where they came from.
Through the now-clear water she saw a large shape swimming toward her. It had a huge head and four legs. It was getting closer. She was tired and wanted to sleep. Was that shape real or was she imagining it? Her eyesight was closing in on her. The last thing Lily remembered was a feeling of warmth before she lost consciousness.
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What I love about this one is the way you really put us there in the water with Lily. The way you slow time down here, stretch it out. I also love the way you keep us in Lily's body, give us all the physical sensations of drowning. Really, really good writing. btw, I also loved what you did for The Secret that would have ended everything - also excellent!
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