I didn’t answer the phone because I knew you’d call. Even though I haven’t known you long enough to recognize your number, I had a feeling it was you. I think you should know I’m kind of a jerk. This whole dating thing really brings it out. Consider yourself lucky we didn’t get involved. Two dates doesn’t really constitute a relationship, does it? I was a little surprised when you showed up in a kilt for out first date. I thought you knew we were just meeting for brunch at my sister’s café. Now, I get it that the little knife in the front was a traditional part of the outfit, but my sister was very freaked out when you got drunk and started waving it around during your little demonstration of the Highland Fling, and then, how does a person get so drunk on only two mimosas? Oh, by the way, I’m not Scottish and neither are you. You’re not fooling anyone Mr. Haruki Tanaka. Well, I probably shouldn’t have invited you out for a second date but I was desperate. My bad, but my friend Lisa was getting married and I did not want to show up solo at the wedding because her cousin Henry was going to be there. Last year I had to get a restraining order because he was stalking me. He’s back from the mental hospital and ok and everything, but I didn’t want to risk it and you were the only one around since the guy that I actually like, Tom, was out of town, and my other guy friend, Timmy hates Lisa because she always makes fun of him for being gay even though he’s not gay. At least that’s what he says. I guess it was bad of me to lead you on after the reception but I was a little drunk and hey, you just never know. The sex wasn’t so bad. Really, it was ok. I’m sorry I ran out of the room like that. But I did come back and we finished up all nice and normal, yes? And you looked so sweet after. Curled up on the floor with my dog Snuffy. He really likes you. I hope we can still be friends. Well, not the kind of friends who actually go out and do stuff together, I’m way too busy, and not really the kind that chat on the phone, again, too busy, but maybe you could sometime send me an email. That would be lovely. Might take me a while to respond, but it’d be super sweet.
Best,
Michelle
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Yet another fabulous voice! This one made me laugh out loud. I loved all the details - the kilt, the little knife, the fact that nobody is Scottish. And I love the promise to be super-sweet at the end. You managed to create a mean-spirited, yet completely compelling character - and all through voice & tone.
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