Alone - Kaye Doiron

It is snowing on the Southern side of Canigou. The wind is biting cold. He walks in knee deep snow and turns to gaze upon that fairy tale village that winds it’s way down from the rocky mountaintop. Eus. His caravan is parked on the Southern side where the winds are less fierce. It has been snowing for days now and his home is surrounded by piles of his own fecal matter as it is much too cold to wander off the beaten path to relieve himself. He torments himself with the shameful knowledge that he has travelled for one hour in the freezing snow with numb feet for hash. It is quite a magnificent hash, he admits. Black, soft, from Afghanistan, he puts his hand in his pocket and rubs it between his numb fingers. He quickens his pace.

The caravan has been out of power for days and if not for the snow he would have run out of drinking water over a week ago. The fire is ready, the embers still burning underneath the blackened wood. He goes inside to get another stack and in record military time he has a warm roaring fire to warm him. He warms his hands, his feet, and he rolls a sweet, hot joint. His ritual smooths his wrinkled soul. It takes away the edge of the cold, of the pain, of the loss. It tames his dragon like she once did. He does not allow his thoughts to linger here for long, on her, for if they linger too long his heart will awaken. That, he can not allow to happen.

Like the way the wind slightly blows into a sail on a calm day he allows his thoughts to dance upon his children, his memory of them, it is certain they have changed considerably, it has been over a year since he’s seen them. Bella climbing up on his back to jump into the sea off his shoulders, her white blonde hair blowing in his face, her sweet little girl smell. Ah, but here it comes, the void in Danny’s eyes, the way Sean looks at him out of the side of his head, not sure what’s coming, soon he will check out too. His love is a dangerous one, he is not to be trusted. He pulls a deep, long drag, savors the sweet bitterness in his mouth, closes his eyes and knows he is resolved to stay alone