Knowing What You're Doing - Melody Cryns

“It’s like riding a bike, you never forget!”

“Yeah, right,” I said looking up at my daughter and my friend Heidi’s grown daughter both staring down at me from the top of the cliff.

It was all my fault I was standing here looking at them, staring at the menacing cliff that did have some ledges jutting out…below the ocean crashed against the rocks, way, way below, what seemed like miles below. All it took was one wrong slip and I would be history.

“C’mon, Mom! You said you used to climb these cliffs all the time!” Megan shouted, her round face looking down on me from above.

Yes, I thought, I had said that I’d climbed all these cliffs when I was a kid and a teenager – yes, it was true. But now I was an out-of-shape 51-year-old and climbing even a small cliff was much more like climbing a huge mountain.

“You can do it!” Julie shouted. “I’ve seen old people in their 50’s run marathons!”

Oh gee, thanks – old people in their 50’s. gimme a break. Where had the years gone, I thought looking out on the bay and the Marin Headlands directly across from Land’s End. Everything looked the same as how I’d remembered it as a kid – the years hadn’t changed the bay or the ocean, or the Golden Gate Bridge which still stood strong and mighty – the same as it always had. No, the bridge had not been destroyed by a giant octopus like I had imagined after watching that monster movie as a young kid. I was so freaked out and traumatized that my dad had to drive me to a point where we could see that the Golden Gate Bridge was still there.

“It’s easy! You can do it!” Megan shouted.

“Okay, okay..gimme a moment!” I had no idea what I was doing – climbing this little cliff all because I’d taken Megan and Julie off the main road to show them a path that I’d taken so many times as a teenager – before they made the path easily accessible to everyone. I wanted them to see how I saw it before when I was young. And now Megan and Julie climbed that cliff and I had to do the same. No way, you’re crazy, one part of me thought.

“C’mon! You can do it!” they shouted from above.

I could smell the salty bay and feel the breeze blowing as I grabbed on to what looked like a tree root and pulled myself up, managing to get a foothold someplace. Don’t look down, I thought over and over, don’t look down. I could smell the dirt and the wild flowers that had managed to grow on the side of the cliff as I slowly made my way up, grabbing on to whatever I could.
I’ve done this so many times before, I thought – but that was like 30 or 40 years ago. I hadn’t been crazy enough to do something like this for a long, long time…

“You’re almost there, Mom…you can do it!”

I looked up at Megan who smiled down on me looking so confident. As I hoisted myself up, I could swear I felt myself slip a little…I grabbed on to the side of the cliff for dear life…wondering if I would make it through this ordeal alive, pulling myself up little by little…

Then I saw their hands reach out and I grabbed them and pulled myself up one more time…

“You did it Mom!”

I looked down at the path below and across the bay and at the wisps of fog that still hung on. I could smell the dirt on my hands – I had done it…I’d made it to the top without slipping and falling and killing myself.