Hearts - Jennifer Baljko

“Playing with the queen of hearts,
knowing it ain't really smart
The joker ain't the only fool
who'll do anything for you.”

My sister and I used to put on wigs, dance around the living room in our pajamas, and belt out this Juice Newton classic. Before our other three siblings were too big to notice and before life got too complicated in our little house, my sister and I were friends. I was the older one, the reader, and the director of our impromptu concerts. My sister was the tough one, the fearless one, and her strength was more than physical. We sang all the hits. Donna Summer’s “Upside Down,” Halls & Oats “Maneater,” and our yuletide favorite, Dr. Elmo’s “Grandma got run over by a reindeer.” We were the stars on our own stage, and, I think, in each other’s lives.

Lately, we almost never speak. Our views of the world, careers, personal experiences, thought processes, and even our values are so vastly different. I find it hard to believe we’re related. I don’t like that we don’t speak anymore, but we’ve both learned it’s easier to have a distant relationship on the fringe where we can keep our defenses down and just stay peripherally involved. At this point, we mostly rely on our siblings for information about the other.

Sometimes I wonder, usually when I hear one of our old songs on the radio, what would happen if found those wigs and started dancing around the living room. I wonder if our innocence would return and our differences melt away. I wonder if we could be friends again.