It Was Terribly Complicated - Elizabeth Weld Nolan

I hardly know how to tell this. Are you sure you want to listen? Jack and I were just walking home to my house along the back road from school and the wind was howling all through those trees that line the lane. You know he’s a friend of my brother Ernie and he was coming along with me to say Hey to him. They hang around together sometimes, and today they were going to build a little car to race in - what are those things called, when they race down the hills in one they made? Soap boxes. I think they used soap boxes when they started. So the wind was making branches crack and throwing our coats over our heads and we were laughing and running away from the dust blowing all over the lane. I am in love with my brother’s friends. They usually don’t notice me because I’m the little sister, except sometimes they let me play baseball in the outfield or bring them Cokes when they’re sprawled on the porch.

Just as we ran past the Whittakers’ we heard an enormous crack and a great big branch came off the pine tree near where the cows usually cross into the pasture and it whirled and we turned and watched it until it came right over us and dropped on Jack and slammed him in the shoulder and a little on the head and he dropped right under it. I screamed and tried to lift the branch and Mrs. Whittaker came out and Jack just lay there looking at me with his eyes kind of glazed over and she ran in the house to call someone. In a minute, Ernie came galloping down the lane and we managed to lift the branch off him.

``Jack, are you all right?’’ Ernie said in a loud voice as if Jack couldn’t hear him wherever he was, and Jack blinked and didn’t say anything. And then I leaned over and touched him on his face and he still didn’t answer although his eyes were open and that was a good sign. Ernie ran off to get the car to drive him to the hospital so I stayed with him.

``Jack, Jack, it’s Carolee. Can you hear me? Jack!’’ He still didn’t answer and then I got this awful feeling he was really hurt and you’d be mad at me for not taking better care of him because you have a crush on him, so I touched him again and I shook him a little but he screwed up his face as if that hurt. I felt really scared he would die and I felt sick in my stomach, so I put my hand on his face again to hold it still and wiped some blood off his head with my shirt and he felt warm and still and I felt so upset and sad and I got closer and whispered into his ear, ``Jack, wake up, wake up.’’ He turned his head a little and into my mouth and before I knew it I had kissed him on his cheek which had a little soft bit of beard on it and he was warm and then he turned his head and kissed me on the cheek. And then something brand new happened to me and I put my lips on his and they were warm too, and he smelled good, like a fresh pressed shirt so I could picture his mother getting him ready for school, and it wasn’t at all like I’d imagined kissing somebody, and then we just kissed and kissed and he looked like he was feeling better and better and he got some color back in his face and I stayed there on my knees beside him until Ernie came with the car.

When he pulled up beside us, he looked mad. ``Carolee, what are you doing? The guy’s hurt.’’

``Not so bad, now, Ernie,’’ Jack said, and grinned at me. I got really embarrassed because you know if it’s your first time kissing and your older brother is watching you and it’s his friend, it’s really embarrassing. So I jumped up and ran like crazy down the lane to home and Ernie put Jack in the car and took him somewhere to get his head and shoulder looked at. I haven’t seen Ernie yet because they haven’t come back and I don’t know what it will feel like to see Jack again. I’m kind of afraid to. But I also learned something. I can’t send this letter to you because I don’t know if I can count on my best friend to understand. It’s just so terribly complicated.