Slipped Through My Fingers - Melody Cryns

I had it – only for a while, it seems. In March 2007 Megan and I moved into Avalon World, excited that we’d “upgraded” our living. Now we had a fancy apartment in a beautifully landscaped complex with a pool that was heated pool and Jacuzzi – a place where there’s a circular bin by the mail boxes to throw junk mail away – and a washing machine and dryer in every apartment. We brought our cat over because it was a pet friendly complex – the rent was a little higher than what I was accustomed to, but things were going well. I was getting raises and bonuses at work and a bit of child support.

I almost felt guilty about the two full bathrooms, remembering how me and all my kids all had to share one bathroom everywhere we lived – oh and the dishwasher. How could I forget the dishwasher. I don’t even remember the last time, if ever, that I actually had a dishwasher.

Yes, it was a beautiful place – of course, my older daughter Melissa moved in not long after we did – only for a month, she said, until she could get on her feet and get her dream place to live in San Francisco. That month turned into a year and a half.

But somehow, it was still okay – and because the complex was so huge, no one noticed just one more person and a cat staying.

But who would have known that once again, I’ve let it all slip through my fingers? That next month I’m bailing out of Avalon World in favor of a more reasonably priced apartment – that doesn’t have all the amenities we’d grown accustomed to? Who’d have known that Avalon World would turn into a façade in which they jack up your rent after you’re there a year and you get into their grips – that the economy would take a major nose dive and every week more people got laid off at work, it seemed…who’d have known I’d lose all my child support for Megan because her Dad lost his job and now has no income?

When we happily moved into Avalon World in March 2007, I thought the worst of it was over – me and my kids had survived, hung on to that lifeboat and survived many storms. This was it – we’d steered through them all…

Or so I thought.

So today as I sit here with the cool air from the sliding glass door coming through, birds chirping outside, and music softly playing on the radio – Megan and her friends all crashed out in her room and here in the living room because it’s summer, I wonder – what will our next place be like? Will it feel like home like this one? The new place has a larger living room and an eat-in kitchen – and two bedrooms and a bathroom – no washer and dryer in the apartment, but there’s a dishwasher. What will it feel like when I’m sitting there at the desk writing or when I’m listening to music and preparing food in the kitchen?

Each time we have to move, I find myself wondering – what will it be like this time? Is it worth it to uproot once again to save $550 a month.

I hope so, I really do.