She was saving it for someone, she just wasn't sure for what or whom. She wanted to feel safe. She was sick of that gnawing feeling that Internet dating had given her--that she was a disposable commodity, and some kind of entertainment for someone with a short attention span. Plus she always seemed to be matched up with a geriatric headed for the nearest nursing home. Nor was she was interested in this new-wave cult that called themselves "friends with benefits." She had so many friends and so many benefits, that it made her laugh that some horny person had the need to create a name for it, just for the sake of getting laid.
So she woke up everyday alone. Because it was better than the feeling in the pit of her stomach that came from empty promises and well rehearsed lines. She had stopped chasing and was in a place of repose, and it didn't make her sad anymore. And she had stopped running, because one day she woke up and couldn't remember what she was running from. It was like being in a constant state of longing--a sweet place really--of anticipation and excitement and living on the edge. Sometimes she was lonely, but she did not miss being a couple.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I really love the way you put the narrator's feelings in her body here. It's all very visceral, and very clear and true. There's also a wonderful tone and voice here. We're with this narrator from the very first line. We understand her, and we're rooting for her - whatever it is she believes she wants.
ReplyDelete