What Broke My Heart - Lisa Kastner

He opened the door. The cold air broke into the warmth of the room. I shivered as he closed the door behind me. I kissed him on the lips. A brief kiss. A hesitant one. I hadn’t seen him in a month. I peeled my coat off and wondered if I should be there.

We grocery shopped together. The fruits ripe. The vegetables fresh. He explained to me the different vegetables and how to make them. “This one’s a root vegetable, like a potato.”

“What do you do with it?” I asked, holding the oversized chunk of something that looked like a tree trunk.

He dug through red onions, picking one up then another. Finally settling on one that looked half peeled. “You peel it and can either boil it or bake it. It’s good.” He cupped the onion and put it into a plastic bag. Knotting the end shut.

I watched as he made dinner. I offered to help but he refused. He peeled the onions and chopped the cilantro. Mixed it all with the bits of shrimp (or shrimps as he called them), salmon, flounder and then poured over it the freshly squeezed lemon juice. He put the concoction in the fridge and we waited.

I sat across from him at the dinner table. His eyes darting to his phone. He would pull it out and check it every once in awhile.

I wondered if I should leave.

We watched a movie. A rare treat for me. While he put in the DVD, he whipped out his phone and quickly texted someone. A few seconds later it beeped and he smirked at the response. A private joke.

On the old couch that had lumps of wear we sat together but apart. I could feel him next to me. The heat of him. I wanted to hold his hand but didn’t think I could. From the moment I walked in the door I only wanted to hold him, kiss him, talk to him like he was the only person there. For me he was.

We returned to the kitchen. He checked on our food. He made rice. Like his momma makes it.

We chewed almost silently, his phone before him. We talked some. He was brief. Hesitant. Guarded.

I almost left a hundred times. But I wanted to see if he would tell me. I wanted to see if he would be honest with me. Or if he would let it hang there.

When I left I said goodbye. His phone churped with the receipt of another text.