What I Think About in the Shower - Juliette Kelley

Turn on water. Step in.

Mmmmm. My feet are finally warm. Jesus, where does all this hair come from? Is this tub getting smaller? I wonder if the foundation’s shifted. What would I do if there was an earthquake while I was in the shower? Is this safety glass? I don’t have an emergency kit. Can you still drink water from an outside hose? Is the water outside potable? Where does that word come from? I used to think it was “portable” you know, with an ‘R’. Wasn’t there a Jeopardy category called “Potent Potables”? I still don’t understand what that category was about. Jesus, Alex Trebeck has aged – he’s selling life insurance on TV now. Didn’t he have a kid, like a year ago? What would it be like to be Alex Trebeck’s kid? Would he make you phrase all of your statements in the form of a question? You have to be pretty smart to be on Jeopardy. I wonder if I am losing brain cells? Can you grow back brain cells? Can stem cells be planted in a brain to make people smarter? What would happen if Alex Trebeck lost so many brain cells that he had to make Jeopardy easier? Is this a non-skid surface? Should I get those handles put in the shower like old people have. Am I old? When does old happen? Does it matter? Most household accidents happen in the bathroom. Is that a mole? Was that there yesterday?

Did I pay the water bill? Yeah. Or was that last month. No. Water bill is everyother month. What am I going to do if there is a drought? I remember the drought in the 80s. That landlord on Clay Street monitored our water. I liked living in the city. That was a nice apartment. Cheap too. No parking though. I got so many parking tickets then. God, if I still lived in the City, my car would have a Denver Boot on it permanently. In the suburbs, no one’s ever heard of a Denver Boot. No one ever gets a parking ticket here. I think the water is getting cold. I don’t want to go to work today. Wait. I got a new kind of coffee.
Shut off water. Step out.